I started drinking and drugging, starting with marijuana and using a little cocaine at 14 or so. And that led down the path of a life of no discipline, a life of no guidance, a life where I was teaching myself and raising myself. And subsequently, ended up down the road of destruction. My lifestyle was largely an illegal one because I was using drugs. And I ended up being incarcerated.

Whether I was worth helping or not is something that I didn't have within me. I felt that I was not worth it, I was worthless, I had no value. And my recovery began with me needing to realize that I'm a person of value, and that I am worth it. Because I'm a human being. Because I'm a human being that's worthy of all the love that's bestowed to any other human being on the globe. That's why. And I was sick. I have a disease that could be treated, and therefore, I deserve treatment.

I was doing a lot of things that I was shameful for. What I didn't know is that I had a disease, and that I was powerless to that disease and I needed treatment. What I didn't know is that I was a person who experienced a lot of adverse childhood experiences. I had undergone a lot of childhood trauma, and I didn't know what part that played in this whole process either, as I do now.

I didn't realize that none of that is my fault. Although, as an adult, I am accountable for those behaviors, as well as managing my disease. The fact that I have a disease has allowed me to alleviate the pain from that guilt and shame that I carry, right up until recently, until the last several years. And that really was the epiphany that led to my recovery on the long-term, the sustained recovery.

But a support system is so crucial. Recovery can't be achieved without them. We're social animals. We need one another. Community support and awareness is probably, of all the support mechanisms out there, the most important. I see more clearly the need for fellowship, for companionship, for friendship, for love, in all of its dynamics.

Stigmatizing yourself interferes with healing. That prevents it. That's a barrier for people to progress with their healing. And if they don't heal, then they will eventually go back to that lifestyle. They're self-medicating themselves. If you don't get to the source of why you need the medication, then you're going to continue to use it. In recovery, that's what we do. We find out what's causing the need and the compulsion to use and drink abusively. And then it's only there that the healing begins.

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